Hi folks, so I’ve been gone awhile – busy with school.
I dreamed last night something significant – about a kitten. Whenever I dream of kittens, I know that they are actually about me. So. There’s this recurring dream where I cloned my favorite kitteh, who was named CrackerJack, or maybe mated him and adopted a dead ringer for him. This kitteh in my dream is the dead ringer type – green eyes, fluffy red hair, just a little fuzzball. Plus, adventurous, the way Cracker was when he was little. It wasn’t the instant bond that I had with Cracker, though. This little one is very independent.
We were for some reason at a zoo/pet shop, and I was holding Cracker #2 (didn’t have a name), and I let him down for a minute because I felt bad for a tiger who was in a pen with nothing, and wanted Cracker #2 to be able to meow or roam, unlike the tiger there. So he did, but he took off! He went in between the pens/cells (I don’t like zoos, but that’s a whole other topic) and the area where we could see him, so he was kind of like a kitty superimposed on all of these wild animal cages. I kept calling “Cracker!” and went up to someone who at a refreshment stand, petting a white lion (or something like that), and asked her to call a zookeeper to help me reclaim Cracker #2. While up there, I noticed that all of the people working at the zoo were middle-aged women.
So I tracked Cracker #2 and someone else, I don’t know who, was calling him too. Occasionally. I eventually found a way into the area that he got into – in between the pens and the glass that zoogoers look into – and retrieved the kitteh.
Then we were outside a huge electronics store, and there was a dog(?) and Cracker #2 in our car. He kept wanting to get out, and my mom left a window cracked for him, but I could tell that he could escape. So I called my brother to get my mom (she had the keys) so we could close the window (dead kitteh, I know), and keep him in. My brother showed up with the keys, and I caught Cracker #2 just in time before he escaped from the car. Then my brother saw a decorated paper plate that had scribblings on it that as like, “In memoriam of grandpa” and contained “agender” “transgender” (knew I’d throw the trans* stuff in here somewhere 😉 ) and other terms. I had decorated the plate before, and it showed up here. My brother said he was going to the store to get samples(?) of food for our holiday meal, and needed a plate. I was like, “Told you I was obsessed!”
So that’s about it.
I know that it has to do with me, and I think it has to do with my being kind of a “new soul” in the school department I’m at, and wanting to roam intellectually, not be penned in. I wrote an essay that kind of played to my prof’s interests (don’t we all do that sometimes?) last time, and felt a little bad about it because I should be writing what I think and not just slacking and trying to get an A. The trans content – I guess I was talking to my best friend yesterday, who was a little freaked out by my super-short haircut, and who said, “Your boy side is showing up more” (haircut???), “and I’m uncomfortable with that. That’s my shit, but I thought you should know.” Which, to me, haircuts are haircuts. Short is short; convenient is convenient; it doesn’t have much to do with gender identity/expression, but then again, I don’t have to look at myself when I’m talking to people, so maybe I’m in a privileged position to say that. I’m still unsure of what this dream means, and I thought I’d write it down and process a little bit. Hopefully, I’ll see Cracker #2 in the future. Maybe this was an introduction dream!